Not Exactly Writers Block

I suppose I could claim that I have had writers block. Or I could say that Latin time suites me well. And while both of these are feasible excuses, especially the later, they are not—either one—the truth.

The plain and simple truth is that I am experiencing change. Some people claim to like change or to manage it well, but the truth is change, even little changes aren’t easy. I don’t know how we ever forget that or brush it off, but the truth is Change or Adjustment take intentional time, effort, and flexibility.

Time, Effort, and Flexibility; like Change and Adjustment, are three concepts I find that we (Americans) claim to have or be good at, but don’t actually know what they are (with the possible exception of extreme effort to succeed).

Time fades along with Flexibility when we over schedule or strive to over-achieve. Effort takes on the opposite role. I have found that at some point, it might have been better to put in no effort than develop stress lines on my forehead.

Two things I find that help with coping with change are reflection and exercise. Reflection calms and allows for processing (which I didn’t fully comprehend until about a month ago). Making the space for reflection brings the peace and calmness of thought to allow awareness and resilience in daily life. Exercise frees the mind by keeping the body feeling good. Not to ignore the benefit of endorphins.

Sometime around the beginning of December, I forgot intentionality in my time, effort, and flexibility. I lost energy. I forgot the positives and could only think about the fact that I wasn’t home for Thanksgiving, and Christmas without my family was coming whether I liked it or not.

I lost patience with Spanish and Guatemalan culture, never on a grand scale, just day to day in small moments. But, small moments in changes like uprooting myself from college, independence, gyms, music, church, family by my own will, very easily turn into BIG emotions which in turn create more not so small moments of discomfort and homesickness.

I cannot even begin to recount all the amazing things I have experienced in the last two months to you all. It would take years of writing and explanations. And I probably won’t ever be able to fully explain the emotions I have felt in the different stages of this adaption process to anyone else. But today I know that I am changing in my experience of change. I am changing for the better. I can feel my mind and my perspective expanding. 

Though it might take some time for the stretch marks to heal, my experience of Guatemala, a land of extremes, has been and continues to be extreme.

A few things you all have missed in the last 2 months (not in any particular order):

•           A Guatemalan Christmas. Tamales and Hugs at midnight!
•           A herd of cows walking down the street in the middle of my town.                There’s no grass on that street.
•           A Guatemalan New Years. Ponchas and Hugs at midnight!
•           Inventory at the library. No kids. Just organizing and counting books.
•           My first birthday party. For a 5 year old (and there was a Piñata!)
•           I started working on an Organic Farm on Mondays and Fridays.
•           Christmas YAV retreat
•           I climbed a volcano.
•           I decided to run a half marathon in May.
•           I cracked my first joke in Spanish.
•           I went to the beach.
•           I went to visit another YAV near Xela. We got to visit the natural                  sauna!
•           Mango season started.
•           I got invited to a wedding.
•           I had a freakish cough that lasted for about 5 weeks.
•           I went to a Posada!
•           I made chuchitos.
•           I made cow patties (No Bake Cookies) for my host family.
•           I went to a cocktail party to raise money for Ventanas Abiertas.
•           I went to Panajachel with the Ventanas Abiertas teachers.
•           I walked in part of a procession for the saint of my town.
•           I went to Guatemala City to receive the most treasured Christmas                  packages from my family I think I will ever have.
•           I gained weight.
•           My Spanish got better (some days).
•           I lived a wonderful life. How about you?